Getting Your Swerve On
by no1cares
Summary: All Rangiku wanted was a little fun with Kira, Hisagi, Renji, Ikkaku, and Yumichika. But no, a certain someone just had to burst everyone's bubble. Matsumotocentric


**Title:** Getting Your Swerve On  
**Summary:** All Rangiku wanted was a little fun with Kira, Hisagi, Renji, Ikkaku, and Yumichika. But no, a certain someone just had to burst everyone's bubble. Matsumotocentric  
**Disclaimer**: No need to explain.

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Matsumoto Rangiku was a fine woman. She may be assumptious and a little promiscuous, but she was very well respected. Okay, so maybe not that well. But still, people looked up to her. The Shinigami Women's Association, for example, tend to flock to their very own strawberry blonde member for GUY problems. Heck, even Soi Fon-taichou asks the buxom woman for advice on a certain scarf wearing male captain. Matsumoto need not say more of the matter and gave the enthusiastic cat-loving Captian her greatest advice yet. And there was the unfeeling Kurotsuchi Nemu, who, in a monotonic and indifferent way, admitted that she's had the hots on the Ryoka Quincy for over a long time. There was also that Unohana-taichou who's admitted that she was in a love rectangle, if there was such a thing, Matsumoto didn't dwell on that matter much, with Kyorako-taichou, Ukitake-taichou, and surprisingly, Kenpachi-taichou. President Kusajishi, however, was thriled to hear the older captain's predicament the moment she heard the mention of her own taichou's name.

Rangiku couldn't help but sigh at her friend's love problems. Although she was fond of devling into people's personal lives, it was really exhausting. And that wasn't what she really wanted to be. Exhausted.

So, Matsumoto was a lot of things. She was a Shinigami. She was Hitsugaya-taichou's drunkard fukutaichou. She was Ichimaru Gin's childhood friend, or maybe, only friend. She was a good fighter. She was the epitome of hotness. She was a woman.

And she had womanly urges too.

Like for instance, that time.

Ah yes, it was a fine time indeed.

As the hourglass, much like her body, dropped the last grain of sand, Matsumoto Rangiku shunpoed towards her barrack, leaving a scowling Hitsugaya alone in his office finishing up the last of the paperworks. Rangiku snickered at the thought of her own cute captain being afraid of the dark, which wasn't likely, but she really needed the entertainment. Once she reached her destination, she found a post-it on her door. Reading the note, she couldn't help but smirk at it.

Meanwhile, in a secluded area in Seiretei, where no sane and sober Shinigami dare explore, was a bonfire, almost as tall as the men surrounding it, flared at the sudden alcohol intake.

"Ikkaku! Baka!" Yumichika glared at the bald Shinigami as he hit him with a stick. "You know, that beautiful bottle costed much more than your life."

"What the hell? Who cares?" they bickered as they grabbed ahold of each other's necks, attempting to strangle the other.

From a safe distance, Hisagi and Renji were toasting, half-drunk and half-naked. Kira sighed as he wondered why Matsumoto was taking so long.

"Hi!" Out of the blue, appeared the awaited Rangiku in front of the stunned blond. The woman pouted at the sight of pink streaks across his cheeks, mistaking them for a drunk Kira. The boy, however, didn't meet up to Rangiku's expectation as he had no liquor yet.

"Rangiku-san! I'm glad you made it!" Izuru took her to where Renji and Hisagi were drinking. Ikkaku and Yumichika joined them as well, after calling a truce, that is.

"Kampai!" they all drank.

"So, why are you boys in a place like this?" Matsumoto asked, her cheeks slightly tinged with pink.

"First of all, we're not boys..." the tipsy Ikkaku started.

"...we're men!" Renji continued.

"Yeah yeah." the female brushed their idea off with a wave of her hand.

"Well, Rangiku-san... it's like this..." Kira fidgeted with his hands as he tried his best not to make eye contact with her, or her boobs, for that matter. "We guys have been talking... and we were wondering if... if..."

"Spit it out Kira-chan!"

"We were wondering if you'd want to do it with us!" Hisagi shouted.

Now this made Matsumoto Rangiku blush even harder as she tried to supress her laughter. The look of shame on Kira's face, the annoyance on Hisagi's, Renji's tipsiness, Ikkaku's half-alive state, and Yumichika's scowling expression. And the fact that they were all blushing, and not from the alcohol, mind you, didn't help Rangiku stiffle a giggle.

"Haha! I knew it'd come to this. So, yes." Now, you see, Matsumoto is not a slut. She is anything but a slut. She is in fact, a helpful friend. As seen in this slightly awkward yet arousing situation.

"Okay. Wait, what? You knew?" Kira asked her with those puppy dog eyes of his.

"Yup."

"But... how?"

"Well, you, for instance, Kira-kun. I seemed to have noticed that you stare at me a lot lately, after Gin's although, for that time, I thought it was just because you and I had him as something in common, so I just brushed it off. But then, when I saw you up front, I saw that glint in your eye. And it just kept me wondering."

"W-wha-"

"Hisagi, now, was much more subtle. And I'm saying this with much more sarcasm than what you're hearing me now. He, here, was staring at my babies for more I could tolerate."

"That's Hisagi for you."

"Hmm... Renji, here, I figured just as much, as with Ikkaku."

"Yeah..."

"Now, Yumi-chan was the hardest to decipher." Matsumoto eyed the curiously smirking 5th seat of Squad 11.

"Well, I figured, since he was into aesthetics and stuff, and that he'd go through all the products in bathroom, he'd be gay. It wasn't until I discovered my underwear, which I bought from the lovely human world, was missing and later found out it was in Yumichika's drawer."

The fivesome looked at her as if she were some crazy witch, a hot one at that. They seriously wanted to tap it though.

And so they tried.

Keyword: tried.

As if it was some sort of kido or anything, Ichimaru Gin appeared out of nowhere. He gave the guys his signature creepy smile, to which they all shrugged at, and he grabbed Matsumoto's waist, finally shunpo-ing out of the area.  
Kira and the rest of the guys wondered how the enigmatic Ichimaru Gin arrived, in that particular time, from Hueco Mundo. It couldn't be...? Could it? No. The males merely shrugged as they drank their lost oppurtunity away.

Meanwhile...

Gin halted and placed Rangiku down on the ground in the middle of a very weird forest.

"Gin! You've come back!" Rangiku snaked her arms around his neck as she buried her face in his chest. As Gin was about to pull her tighter to him, he felt a familiar bonk on his head.

"Ow! What was that for, Ran-chan?" he said as he tried to soothe the throbing pain.

"Why'd you have to come back now when I was about to get my swerve on?" Gin smirked at her as he sneakily pulled her towards him. Rangiku felt her cheeks burn up.

"G-Gin..."

And he silenced her with one of his bittersweet kisses reserved only for her. His Rangiku.

"That's cause I want to the one you get your swer-"

"Holy hell, a weasel!" And there it was, the little critter, shitting on top of Ichimaru Gin's head. Oh the nerve.

"Ah, could've been worse."

END

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A/N: HAHAHAHAHA I'm an devious author, if I do say so myself. YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THAT ENDING NOW WEREN'T YA? HAHAHA


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